is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
