could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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