Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
