the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
