I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
