He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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