I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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