My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
