There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
