Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
