this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
