My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
