Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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