I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
