I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
