I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
