I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
