Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
