please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I could make wine with my vomit
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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