O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
