Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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