My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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