Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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