the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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