don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
