Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
