dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
