apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
