am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
