masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
