i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
