I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
