i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.