Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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