It's Friday. Sex?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
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brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
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ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?