I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.