I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
there is glitter all over my balls
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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