when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm going to jail i love you
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
