There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
