You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
