She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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