Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
