Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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