he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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