I wish I could teleport
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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