my sisters under your porch take her home
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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