I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
