I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
