are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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