No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I stole a fireplace last night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
