i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
