My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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