he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
