I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
