I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
