It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
