They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
