i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
