I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
