I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
