Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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