My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
