i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
