Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
