hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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