My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
