Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
